Risa started her self-date by putting on a cute outfit and taking a walk around campus to look at the fall colors. Then she took herself to an art gallery, then bought a handmade bracelet for herself because “if I was out with a friend we would probably buy bracelets, or with a guy… they usually get you something, so why can’t I do that for myself?” said Risa Davis. Afterwards, she went to a coffee shop, treated herself by getting her favorite drinks and snacks, then came back to campus and hung out.
Risa continued to point out how she has a boyfriend as well as friends, but she realized that she finds herself often waiting on them to ask her to do things, and it dawned on her that she shouldn’t have to wait for someone to have fun with.
“I think it is a lot easier to support others and want to hang out with them, I think it is harder to find that in yourself… it has been hard for me to find that in myself. It is really easy to make someone else the center of your world… I am so guilty of that, but I don’t want to do that anymore, I want people to be a part of my world, but not be what I am dependent on,” said Risa.
After realizing that she wants to prioritize herself more, Risa expressed reasons why she thinks it is important to be alone with yourself sometimes.
“At the end of the day we are our own people… I think it is great to share your life with other people, but I think we need to focus on our self-relationships more. Especially if you are religious, like you focus on your relationship with God, you focus on your relationship with friends… with family… with your significant other, literally everything and everyone but yourself,” said Risa.
When it comes to how often she is going to take herself on a date, she said that she is going to try to match the pace at which she hands out with others. So, since she and her boyfriend do weekly dates, she is going to try to have weekly self-dates.
“I think it is worthwhile because it is a challenge. Our instinct is to not to go have fun by yourself or treat yourself that way you would treat a friend, we hardly ever share that same level of compassion with ourselves, so I think it is something to try because it is a challenge and it shows that we can grow. I want to mature and I am going into my twenties, who do I want to be, how do I want to be, and I think at the end of the day I want to be someone who is comfortable with myself and I want to be who I am. And I don’t think I can find that by constantly hanging out with others or a boyfriend or something. I need to spend time alone, as challenging as that is. That is what I would tell others, that it is good growth and it is a good challenge, it’s hard, which means it is worthwhile I think,” said Risa.
Self-dates can be a great way to “self-bond” and take some time to be comfortable with who you are when you aren’t around other people. It can also be very individual, and anyone can do it in their own way. Risa went to an art museum because she is an art major, and loves art, but anyone can tailor their own date to what they like.
“If you are a history major, go to a history museum, or if you are a movie person stay in bed and watch shows and have your own popcorn and treats. I think it is such an individual thing that we could all be going on our fun dates and we could share the ideas with each other too, like ‘oh wow you painted your own nails and did this or that, I'll do that too.’ I think it would be cool if a lot of people did it, to then think about how we can all have fun,” said Risa.
