This is not my first time being in limbo, I have been in limbo even before my very existence
I have experienced the very lives of my mother and grandmother had because I was a soul bound to watch their existence
I experienced the wars they have had with themselves knowing I would experience the same fate
Then before I knew it I took the breath of life but I knew instinctively that my soul has been here before
And I have walked more around this world than some have in their entire life
I was brought in this world by an immigrant mother knowing I would have a different life
But that is not what scared my soul
what scared it was the very world I was born into
Mi sangre was Mexican and American but never enough for either
Yet I could never tell my own mother how I saw myself because I was scared that I would see my mother's heart break right in front of me
But as a mother she always knew and told me,“ Tu sangre es fuerte todo en tiempo mija”
I never understood what she meant until now
Mi sangre es fuerte and time was indeed in my favor
The pain I experienced in this life was meant for a reason
As a child you don’t understand why things happen the way they do
But as time continues you come to a understanding that life is a war
A war in which you face yourself and have to come to a moment of peace for yourself because that is what your heart deserves
That never came easy to me
especially being in a world where I feel like I don't belong
Yet I realized I couldn't keep fighting with myself because it takes a toll
It takes a toll on your mind, body, and spirit
those thoughts of not feeling enough for either side and to find that middle ground where I am enough no matter the situation
That all happened because my mother and my grandmother
They were the strongest women I knew in my life and they saw me for who I was
That is all I ever wanted in my life was for someone to see me for who I was
But I was so stuck in my own head that I never looked into the eyes of the women who raised me
That is where my moment of peace came was from the eyes that only ever wanted peace
Especially feeling stuck between two halves of yourself that are constantly at war with one another
I know that it's better to come to an acceptance rather than to keep the cycle of denial and deny the existence of those before me
I know that two halves make a whole
I know that my blood runs through two different countries
I know that my existence is tied between two cultures that meet at the la frontera with beauty and poise why be stuck in limbo when I can be embraced by those who understand my existence
